True Stories
Phoenix House Graduates
JESSICA G.
Phoenix Academy of Los Angeles
I’m proud to say that I made it through the rough times and grew strong through recovery.
Life can be great when we ignore a lot of hurt, especially as kids. But as we get older and memories strike back, there’s no turning away. I am 18 years old. I grew up in a strict household, where I wasn’t allowed to do many things that other kids were. As many young kids do, I kept everything inside me, ignoring the pain and hurt. I went from feeling put down, to feeling humiliated, to feeling that many people took advantage of me.
In 2003, I started to hang out with a bad crowd. I just wanted to feel loved and strong again. It was then that I was introduced to drugs. I started inhaling drugs as days, months, and years passed. I continued to try new drugs. I went from marijuana to cocaine, to meth, to alcohol. I became an addict. I moved away from my house to have what my body was crying for – the drugs. I completely got what I wanted. I was an alcoholic and a drug addict. I smoked my dreams, sniffed my problems, and drank my pain away. My emotions were gone. I became a cold-hearted girl with no sign of hope or a miracle. I thought nothing could help me. I didn’t care about anyone, not even myself.
Although I was doing well in school, I started getting kicked out. I began meeting new people that were in the same situation I was in. There was a silence in me; the secret was kept inside me. All the friends I had also had problems, but none of us talked about them. All we ever talked about was how good our first hit of a blunt felt. I didn’t share those same feelings. I started hanging out with gangsters and getting involved with bad crowds. I truly believed I was going to end up like my birth father – locked up. He is currently doing 16 years for committing various crimes. All I knew was that I was following in my father’s footsteps and I was proud of it. I believed I was in control of my life. If I didn’t smoke or drink, I wouldn’t eat. Somehow I had to get the drugs that I craved so much. The boyfriend I had at that time would always provide me with them.
My mom kept trying to interfere. I hurt her mentally, emotionally, and physically. I had run away a couple of times and I was getting tired of my life. My mom would always tell me that everything happens for a reason and that I was going to change. I laughed and kept doing my thing. I hated her and my family.
But years passed and I was really getting tired of my lifestyle. I started thinking, “What’s happening? The weed doesn’t hit me anymore. I don’t get drunk as fast after taking a lot of shots.” I then started to sniff crystal meth and that worked to get my high to what I wanted. I would do anything to get crystal. I once sold a Chihuahua just to get an “8 ball.” I almost sniffed it all by myself. I went days without eating.
One day, I felt like I was overdosing. I couldn’t breathe, my body was shaking, and I was dizzy. I tried to run to the kitchen, hoping there was milk in the refrigerator. I drank and drank until I finished the gallon. I asked God, “What’s happening to me?” I pleaded with Him and started to pray. I remember saying to Him, “No, don’t take me now, not right now!” I rushed to the bathroom and got sick, then passed out. This is exactly when I knew I had a problem and that I needed to change.
I looked for information on rehabs. I didn’t know a place like that even existed. I found one in my city and one in Lake View Terrace. I thought the best place for me would be to be far away, where no one will know me. Believe me – it is a small world. I called Phoenix House and made an appointment. I was ready to change my life. February 21, 2006 – I said goodbye to my Mom, my sisters, and my little brother. My brother had also made a big decision in his life and was now moving to North Carolina. I saw my mother cry and it hit me. I had never felt her pain.
After three weeks of being at Phoenix House, I cried for the first time in years. I missed my family. I kept thinking of my past. I was realizing the person that I had become was someone people didn’t believe in. I became strong during my therapy sessions. I became involved in meetings and talking to people. I was more honest that ever. I wanted to prove to myself that I was ready to change and I was now. I helped other teenagers with their addiction.
I am now 17 months sober – ready for one more day and I am taking it day by day. I have proven to myself that I can do it and I am proud of myself. I have met new friends who helped me define the true meaning of friendship. I learned to cope with my feelings. Staying strong is one of my strengths and helping others is one of my motivations. I’m proud to say that I made it through the rough times and grew strong through recovery. I never AWOL’d and I never relapsed.
Today, I am still in school, trying to finish my credits. I am also helping others that need help. I am sharing my testimony with those who need it. I go to church and I pray to God for everyone in this world to find a way out of addiction and to give a hand to those who need it.