Talk to your Kids
No matter how hard parents try to prevent children from experimenting with alcohol or other drugs, they may choose to do so. If you suspect that your child has been using, talk to him or her before the problem gets out of hand.
Here are some general tips to help you talk to your teen:
- Stay calm. The most important thing is not to act out of anger or panic. Consider your options and get whatever information you need to have a productive conversation. Don’t waste time feeling guilty or blaming yourself or others.
- Take action. Don’t blow it off as ‘no big deal.’ Talk to your teen. As a parent you’re completely justified in saying that you do not approve of your child using alcohol or other drugs. Set up a time to talk together as a family in a private setting. Think about the conversation, plan out what you want to say, and choose a time when you’re ready to face the challenge. Be sure your child is sober: never confront a person – young or adult – when he or she is under the influence of alcohol or other drugs.
- Ask questions. Try to find out what’s going on from your teen directly and give your child the chance to explain. Express your concern. Ask open-ended questions about relationships with new friends, activities, school or work. Hopefully, your child will be honest with you and tell you what’s really going on so you can respond appropriately. If teens insist that they are not using, parents may consider asking them to take a drug test to prove they are clean. But remember, with the exception of marijuana, most drugs are only detectible for a few days after use.
- Find out when, where and why. If your teen admits to experimenting with alcohol or drugs, find out as much as you can about the circumstances of use. Was it an isolated incident? Is the use frequent? Who is your child using with? Where is he or she using? Who is providing the alcohol or drugs? Try to be understanding about mistakes your child may have made, so that he or she feels comfortable communicating with you.
- Give clear messages about your values. Set clear boundaries. Be firm about the dangers of drug use and how it can affect everyone in the family. Talk about the risks, lifetime consequences, and health problems caused by drug use. While it may be tempting, avoid glorifying your own past use of alcohol or drugs. Your teen may take this as evidence that such behavior is acceptable or harmless. However, if you are in recovery yourself, you may want to share your experience and describe how you were able to overcome addiction.
- Monitor your child’s behavior. Watch out for changes in your teen’s behavior. If you are concerned about possible use, the first sign of a problem for many parents is change – in hygiene, friends, hobbies, grades, or family relationships. Use our signs and symptoms guide to help. If your teen has admitted to using, you may want to limit his or her allowance and access to transportation, and monitor leisure activities.
- Educate yourself. Find out what teens in your community are using. Become familiar with slang names for various drugs. And find out about support groups and treatment options in your community.
- Encourage healthy living. To help children maintain a sober, healthy lifestyle, parents should steer them towards healthier friends and activities and encourage them to talk openly about any concerns they might have.
- Talk to a professional. If you suspect this is more than experimentation, you should arrange for your child to get an assessment from a substance abuse counselor. If help is needed, children should understand that getting counseling is not a punishment but rather an adult way to work out issues that are harmful to them and the family.
- Find out about local treatment programs. Visit our Get Help section to find out about Phoenix House programs in your community. You can also call your doctor, local hospital, state or national referral agencies, or county mental health society. Your school district should have a substance abuse coordinator or a counselor who can refer you to treatment programs.
Questions? Talk to an expert. Send a confidential email to the Phoenix House team today. Click here.