Intervention
When people engage in self-destructive behavior, such as alcohol or drug abuse, they often don’t realize that they need help. Family members and friends find themselves wondering what they can do. An intervention is when family members or friends confront a loved one about his or her substance abuse in an attempt to help them realize they need help. Interventions provide an opportunity to express concern and offer suggestions about how and where to get help.
Before conducting for an intervention, it’s necessary to do some planning. Who should be involved? Where should the intervention take place? What materials should you have on hand? Read below for more about general intervention tips for:
Child Intervention
It’s never easy to talk to someone about his or her problems, especially your own child. Don’t let a negative reaction keep you from trying. Just be prepared for it and concentrate on three simple goals:
- Bringing the issue out into the open
- Letting your child know you want to help and you’re there for him or her.
- Helping your child accept treatment. No matter how well-intentioned substance abusers are, most need some degree of professional support to kick an addiction.
Having the Talk
Who:
- Before talking to your child, you may want to consult a professional about your concerns. Talk to a doctor, pediatrician, or other family members and friends. You could also contact a school counselor, a teacher, a nurse, or someone in your place of worship.
- Consider working with an intervention specialist. Professionally facilitated interventions can make it easier for family and friends to develop and implement an effective plan.
- You can also consider inviting other people to participate in the intervention — particularly family and friends who may be affected by the user’s behavior. However, the process doesn’t require large numbers of participants — you can conduct a successful intervention with just a parent and child.
When:
- Make sure the timing is right. Have the talk when your child is sober and clear-headed, perhaps in the morning before school. You won’t get anywhere talking to someone who is drunk, high, or coming down.
- You can try talking to your child soon after you know he or she has been drinking or using drugs, and is feeling hung over and guilty. But remember, you’re not addressing just one incident. You are concerned about a pattern of behavior.
Where:
- Meet in a private place: your home, an interventionist’s office, a friend’s home or office, a place of worship, a coffee shop, park, or some other public place. Make sure alcohol is not available.
How:
- Always use a gentle, caring tone of voice.
- Try not to judge. Don’t start out by making accusations. This will only put your son or daughter on the defensive and he or she might walk away.
- Remind your child that you love and care about him or her, but as a parent, it’s your job to make sure your children grow up safely.
- Explain how worried you are and how you feel when you see your child drunk or high. Express your concern and describe how these behaviors affect you and the rest of your family. It’s good to provide specific examples of how alcohol or other drugs have changed your relationship or negatively affected his or her life.
- Make clear that, because drugs are so dangerous, this problem deserves serious attention as well as professional help.
- Once you’ve had the opportunity to share your concerns, be sure to listen to your child’s response. Try to show that you can see things from his or her perspective. If he or she brings up related problems, promise to address them separately, but try to steer the conversation back to the central issue of drug use.
- Most important of all, be prepared with specific information on where they can get help. You may want to schedule an assessment in advance so that you can take them directly to a treatment facility or support group.
After the Talk
Finding Treatment
Once you’ve come to understand the extent of the problem, it’s important to find the right treatment program. There are many types of treatment available, and the right program depends entirely on the circumstances and the degree of drug involvement. To find out more about Phoenix House programs in your community, please go to the specific location on the menu.
Talking Care of Yourself
It’s also important to deal with your own feelings about addiction. You may feel hurt, confused, and guilty; or worried that your child will resent you or get in trouble because of you. Don’t keep all those feelings locked up. Talk about them with close friends or family. Consider attending support groups.
Well Done
Whether or not your child gets help because of the intervention, you should feel good about your decision to step in. An intervention is an opportunity for recovery. And if you ignore a drug problem, it may get worse.
Friend Intervention
Below are some guidelines to help you make the most of talking with someone you care about regarding a drug or alcohol problem:
Having the Talk
When:
- Make sure the timing is right. Have the talk when they’re sober and clear-headed, perhaps in the morning before work. You won’t get anywhere talking when they are drunk, high, or coming down.
- Try talking to your friend soon after you know they’ve been drinking or using drugs, (but when sober!) when they are feeling hung over and guilty. Remember that you’re not addressing just one incident, but a pattern of behavior.
Where:
- Meet in a neutral place; a coffee shop, park, or some other public place. Make sure alcohol is not available.
How:
- Always use a gentle, caring tone of voice.
- Try not to judge: don’t start out by accusing your loved one of being a drug addict or an alcoholic. This will put them on the defensive and they might walk away.
- Tell them how you feel; how worried you are and how you feel when you see them drunk or high.
- Tell your friend about the things you’ve seen them do when they’re drunk or high. Use specific examples, and tell them you want to help.
- Most important of all, be prepared with information on where they can get help. Make a list of phone numbers, meeting places and times for local counseling services and treatment programs. Offer to go with them to a meeting or take them for an assessment — but only if you’re going to follow through.
- If your friend has a serious problem and you can’t convince them to get help, don’t give up. For a drug user, accepting that they have a problem and asking for help is difficult and frightening. They have to face the pain they’ve caused themselves and other people in their life. All you can do is talk to them, show how much you care, and encourage them to get help.
- You should also feel comfortable seeking advice about how to help them. You are not betraying your friend by finding out as much as you can about their problem. Consider talking to an intervention specialist, doctor, nurse, counselor, or someone in your place of worship. These people are there to help. If you are concerned about privacy, ask that your conversation be treated as confidential — you don’t even have to give your friend’s name.
Questions? Talk to an expert. Send a confidential email to the Phoenix House team today. Click here.
Parent Intervention
We know how hard it is to have a normal life when you’re worried about your mom or dad drinking too much or using drugs. You probably feel scared and alone and worried about your family. There may be arguments. Your parents might not even remember what they said or did when they were drunk or high. The rules are always changing — TV’s o.k. one night, not o.k. the next. You may be ashamed to have friends over. And you probably feel guilty.
Don’t feel guilty. You are not alone. In fact, one in eight kids has a parent who drinks too much or uses drugs. You probably know other kids with the same problem — you just don’t realize it because it’s so hard to talk about.
Try to remember:
- Your parent’s drinking or drug use is not your fault.
- Your parents still love you, even if the alcohol or drugs make them unable to show it.
- No matter how much you love them or how angry you fell, you cannot make them stop.
Is your parent drinking too much or using drugs?
The answer is simple — if someone else’s drinking or drug use is causing problems for your family then it’s too much. Drinking too much or using drugs is a disease. And it’s a disease that can be treated. To learn more about addiction, click here. If you’re still not sure whether your mom or dad has a problem with alcohol or drugs, try taking our online quiz.
What can I do to help my mom or dad stop drinking or using drugs?
There is nothing you can do to make your parent stop drinking or using. Your mom or dad needs to get help from a professional — someone who specializes in helping people to recover from addiction. What you can do is talk to an adult or someone you trust who can support you, and maybe help get your mom or dad the help they need.
Even if your parent refuses to get help, you can get help for yourself. Here are some tips:
- Make an Emergency Plan. If your mom or dad has a problem with drugs or alcohol, you should have your own personal emergency plan. If you think about this ahead of time, you’ll be ready if you find yourself in a difficult or potentially dangerous situation.Learn how to call 911, the police, fire department, ambulance service, and doctor. Make sure your brothers and sisters know too.Always have extra money for a phone call, in case it’s too dangerous to drive home with your mom or dad.Make a list of safe places to call for help or to stay. Maybe a grandparent, older sibling, aunt, uncle, neighbor, or friend. Memorize their phone numbers, and call them if it looks like the situation in your own home might get out of control.Learn how to call 911, the police, fire department, ambulance service, and doctor. Make sure your brothers and sisters know too.
Always have extra money for a phone call, in case it’s too dangerous to drive home with your mom or dad.
Make a list of safe places to call for help or to stay. Maybe a grandparent, older sibling, aunt, uncle, neighbor, or friend. Memorize their phone numbers, and call them if it looks like the situation in your own home might get out of control.
- Talk about it. A lot of kids find that talking about what is happening makes them feel better. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to other family members or friends, you could try a teacher, guidance counselor, therapist, or spiritual leader. You can also find out more about Alateen, a support group for teenagers affected by someone else’s drinking or drug use. Visit their website to find out about meetings in your neighborhood, or look for it in the Yellow Pages under “alcoholism.”
- Look after yourself. In other words, think about your needs. Get involved with activities you enjoy – clubs, sports, things you that make you feel good about yourself. Maybe it’s not a school activity – maybe you like to laugh with friends, or just go out and have fun!
If I talk to someone else about my problems, will my parent get in trouble?
The most important thing is for you to stay safe. There is no guarantee that talking to an adult (family member, guidance counselor, teacher) will not have consequences—but that should not stop you from sharing your concerns. It’s important that you get the support you need to live a happy, healthy life. In addition, talking to an adult may help your mom or dad to get the help they need.
Remember:
You didn’t Cause it,
You can’t Control it,
You can’t Cure it.
Questions? Talk to an expert. Send a confidential email to the Phoenix House team today. Click here.