Phoenix House > Family Support > Intervening With a Friend
 
Below are some guidelines to help you make the most of talking with someone you care about regarding a drug or alcohol problem:

 Having the Talk

 When:
  • Make sure the timing is right. Have the talk when they're sober and clear-headed, perhaps in the morning before work. You won't get anywhere talking when they are drunk, high, or coming down.
  • Try talking to your loved one soon after you know they've been drinking or using drugs, when they are feeling hung over and guilty. Remember that you're not addressing just one incident, but a pattern of behavior.
Where:
  • Meet in a neutral place; a coffee shop, park, or some other public place. Make sure alcohol is not available.
How:
  • Always use a gentle, caring tone of voice.
  • Try not to judge: don't start out by accusing your loved one of being a drug addict or an alcoholic. This will put them on the defensive and they might walk away.
  • Tell them how you feel; how worried you are and how you feel when you see them drunk or high.
  • Tell your loved one about the things you've seen them do when they're drunk or high. Use specific examples, and tell them you want to help.
  • Most important of all, be prepared with information on where they can get help. Make a list of phone numbers, meeting places and times for local counseling services and treatment programs. Offer to go with them to a meeting or take them for an assessment — but only if you're going to follow through.
If your loved one has a serious problem and you can't convince them to get help, don't give up. For a drug user, accepting that they have a problem and asking for help is difficult and frightening. They have to face the pain they've caused themselves and other people in their life. All you can do is talk to them, show how much you care, and encourage them to get help.

You should also feel comfortable seeking advice about how to help them. You are not betraying your loved one by finding out as much as you can about their problem. Consider talking to an intervention specialist, doctor, nurse, counselor, or someone in your place of worship. These people are there to help. If you are concerned about privacy, ask that your conversation be treated as confidential — you don't even have to give your loved one's name.

Questions? Talk to an expert. Send a confidential email to the Phoenix House team today. Click here.




• Back to top
• Back to Family Support Menu